not alone in my head: ministry

somethings I've seen since I've left youth ministry

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 07:06:17 GMT

The following thoughts make me want to cry and give up on life. I have seen them in action the past year and a half since I've been out of youth ministry. They cause a deep and dark despair because people actually act as if these are true:

The goal is not to share your agenda with others but to achieve your agenda through others. Communicate, Negotiate, Interrogate with your cards held close.

Control conversations. Lead others to the place where you want them to go, never follow. Make them say your idea in a way that they think it's their own. Ask the kinds of questions to get the answers you want.

Flatter when it will work, which is most of the time, because people are caught up in their egos. Don't worry about it being true. If they smile you win. The motive behind that smile isn't your concern, "cause it all feels the same." Feed insecurities, they are never satisfied. Doing so increases obedience.

When you need something, and expect resistance, press them personally. Go face to face in order to get the answer you want. The force of your presence may ruin their focus on what they feel is important. You want to cultivate a reaction, not reflection.

When providing an alternate solution, show the benefit of the new option, even if that benefit isn't very good (especially if the benefit is very weak).

Share only the information what will help them draw the conclusion that moves them to acheive your desires. You will keep your feelings of integrity as long as you also hold onto your selfdeceptive thoughts.

Never speak in absolutes, keep your words fuzzy, don't be specific. Predict the assumptions they will make. Arm yourself with the plausibility of denial: why speak clearly when you may have to recant? Say nothing real, so you can never be held accountable.

At all costs, maximize your influence and minimize your accountability.

Confidence is more convincing than sharing your fears. Since most are afraid of their own fear, they will respond better to false confidence because it strengthens the illusion that everything is under control.

It does not matter if you are secretly mocked, but it will be openly followed.

Buzzwords are better than truewords.

Be quick or be caught.

Fight battles only if you'll been seen in a good light.

Under no circumstances should you truly engage or invest deeply, if you do they will see the shallow husk of your soul, and you will have to face it yourself.

Cast doubt, you'll catch the big fish of your desires. Cast blame, so you escape harsh judgment. Cast down, to lift yourself up high.

Under no circumstances should you say something that will cause someone to doubt you or think negatively about you. Often this means avoiding the total truth.

Keep all kinds of tabs on people. "All kinds" means anything you can use to leverage something you want out of them.

Sounding good is more important than being good. Appearing generous is more important than being generous. Passion is a tool and an argument, not a calling or a conviction.

You don't need inner peace if you have power over others, they won't know or care about you discontent.

Like a good miser, count the cost of your power and influence:

If you can get want you want and the smile on their face is sincere, you've spent nothing.

REJOICE! You are the master of manipulation!!

If you get what you want and the smile on their face is faked, you've spent little.

REJOICE! They don't have the spine to challenge you, and you'll never know that it was an act!

If you get what you want and the smile on their face is forced, you've spent some.

REJOICE! You can probably ignore it because you were not challanged.

If you get what you want and the smile on their face is a sneer, a challenge, you've paid a high price.

REJOICE! Afer the deed: deflect, deny, deceive, you may get another return on your investment for power.

inbox ZERO

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:58:48 GMT

fields told me about this video, it was really good.

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old friends in ministry

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 16:26:37 GMT

Last night I was meeting a friend who used to be a student in our ministry. I was a little early to the Starbucks. Sitting across the room was a small group from Saddleback. One couple in the small group used to be volunteers in the high school ministry... way back 12 years ago when I first started. We chatted for about 20 minutes, the person I was meeting there cam about half way into that.

Before my friend and I begun to catch up, I had to tell him why Sheri Pankhurst is the greatest in the world. My first Lesson in Ministry came from her. In the old days, the high school ministry at Saddleback used to have a volunteer meeting once a month. In the really old days, these meetings were at Doug's house, we could cram 50-60 people in there. I hated the first meeting I went to. It was horribly boring and dreaded the fact that I'd have one of these every month...

(my memory says that I kept these feelings to myself, but what I know about who I am says there's not a chance I didn't say something to someone.)

So, month two came, and with it, meeting two. I wasn't looking forward to another volunteer staff meeting. At this second meeting, Sheri broke my heart. Fields asked, like he asks at all volunteer meetings, "What's going good? Where have you seen God show up in your ministry?" A few people shared, I stifled some yawns and thought about which students I'd take to the beach the next day.

Sheri started sharing about her ministry to her girls, about all the things they were doing together and learning together. Her humility was apparent from the moment she began talking. After a few minutes, her passion and devotion to minister to her girls and their mothers was earth shattering for me. My world was rocked and I was moved. Sitting in the back of the room, some cruel thief took away my comfortably dry eyes. There was a certainty in this defining moment, an unshakable assurance that resounded so loud within me that I have never forgotten that moment. I knew this was what ministry was about: loving others passionately in the name of Jesus. For me, so serve in ministry means to create places where others can serve. It means connecting and supporting and organizing and teaching and encouraging people to express their God given passions to serve one another. It was an amazing moment... and since then I've never hated a volunteer staff meeting, with anticipation I hope to catch a glimpse of passion expressed in service.

skepticism toward leadership talk

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:42:30 GMT

There can be no doubt that leaders and developing leaders are important. There can be no doubt that leadership is just one role among many, and that there are a lot more non-leaders than there are leaders.

Sure, there's lots of question about WHAT exactly a leader is, and HOW to best train them... insert multi billion dollar industry here.

That being said, I am skeptical of leader talk... from my perspective, I feel that people are consider leaders when they ought not be leaders... I feel that CHARISMA and results often mask a selfish drive to build a personal kingdom.

Of course, I'm not really saying anything new, I know this. Pride is always the enemy. Charisma isn't a bad thing, and every strength can be used unwisely.

What I'm saying is this: just because people like you and you get good results, this doesn't make you a leader. Or at least, it doesn't make you a good one. Humility and leadership is tough. Managing appearances is difficult. There is, of course, much more to say on these things... but this is enough for me for now.